it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
