New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
