Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
