Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
