he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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