My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
