Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He called his prostate his "boner button".
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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