two words: eviction party
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
