but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My penis needs a shock collar
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
