well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
