My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
