I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
