doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
