One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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