I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
