I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
