I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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