Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
