Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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