I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize