Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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