sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
