dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
