you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
