WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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