I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize