i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
