hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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