I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
