You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize