The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
