sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
