theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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