Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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