he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
