$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize