i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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