girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
