never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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