if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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