All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
