Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
