Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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