just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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