She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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