I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
