i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
