Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Still dying that you shit outside
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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