I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
