My first STD was from a foam party
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
