i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
