don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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