Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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