K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
