Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
