I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
