you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize