we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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