This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
