He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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