You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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