And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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