yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
