; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I smell stomach acid.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
