In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
