you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
