matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
