I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Did I show you my penis last night?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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