I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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