we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize