how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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