I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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