Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize