i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
