my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
