ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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