90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
