too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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